my heart is aching
Whew. Here we are. I have to talk about this. I can´t not talk about this.
In Peru there are lots of dogs. Everywhere. Wandering around. Eating trash. Ribs sticking out. My book says that in the mountains dogs have gone back to living in packs, and you have to be careful if you come across them because they can be very dangerous. In the cities I have seen them. Hundreds. Everywhere. Matted fur, broken legs, missing body parts. It´s breaking my heart. No one is taking care of them. Hell, many of the people here cannot take care of themselves, how can they take care of the dogs?? There´s no one to spay and neuter them, nothing to stop them from multiplying into a world without the resources to support them. And here´s the real rub: I don´t know what to do about it. What can be done? Times like this make me wonder why exactly I´m chosing to go into a career to help humans, when my heart really belongs to the animals. BUT, I have to remind myself that the only way they can have a chance is if the people have one first. The people here need help. But they need to help themselves. And only then can they help their fellow critters out. It is SO FRUSTERATING to be here and not be able to do anything. What can I do? I have to do something. I don´t know what. I don´t know how. It´s so hard sometimes to maintain the perspective, see how the steps I´m taking today are leading me to the place I want to be, that I have to have foresight. I just don´t think my conscience can see all that I´ve seen here in this country and go back home and only care about clothes and cars and making enough money to buy them. Not that I did that before, but I´m saying... how can Anyone do that? How can you choose to have a job that benefits no one but yourself? I just feel so responsible for this. So responsible to try and help. Let´s face it, I´m a meddler. I like to meddle. Not to make things worse, but I want to always try and help fix things. I like to fix things. I also am realizing, though, the truth in something I learned in one of my classes... that people have to help themselves. It seems so glamorous to work globally and help all those poor africans or etc., but the only way they can really work out of it is to... work out of it. Pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. We watched an interview in one of my classes with a Kenyan economist, and he was very adamant that the only way things could change is if we STOPPED trying to help. That they had to help themselves. And that´s starting to make a lot more sense to me now. Here. I still want to pursue my career goals, but I think maybe I´m best off trying to start local. Put my energy back into my own country. We have plenty of problems to work on there as well. And I don´t have to spend the time learning the culture and the language and getting accepted there before I can start to accomplish things. I´m already accepted there. Already know my way around. I have this sense of urgency with my life, like I don´t want to waste any time getting to work. I want to get as much done in my alloted century as I can. I want to not be selfish. I want to not be anything like the person I used to look up to so much, who turned out to be as selfish as they come. Yah, most of you know who he is. And if you don´t, heck, ask me. I´m not afraid to tell you the truth about all of it. Wow, where did that tangent come from? Um, does anyone want a puppy? I can bring you back one to love. They need love. That´s all a puppy really needs ever. And some food. But food is part of love. Love is all they need. Love is all any of us need...really. Right? To know that someone cares? So does anyone want one? Or... how about 25 of them each? Would you guys do that for me? I´m wondering if I can clear up some room in my carry on bag...
I must think on this. But I´m going to do something. You watch.
Lyric o´the blog:
"Just because I´m losing
doesn´t mean I´m lost
Doesn´t mean I´ll stop
doesn´t mean I´m across
Just because I´m hurting
doesn´t mean I´m hurt
doesn´t mean I didn´t get what I deserved
no better and no worse
I just got lost
every river that I tried to cross
Every door I ever tried was locked
Oh and I´m just waiting ´til the shine wears off
You might be a big fish in a little pond
doesn´t mean you´ve won
´Cause along may come a bigger one.
And you´ll be lost
every river that you tried to cross
every gun you ever held went off
Oh and I´m just waiting ´til the firing´s stopped
Oh and I´m just waiting ´til the shine wears off."